Thursday, July 28, 2011

Does this murse go with these deck shoes?

I'm not good with fashion, and I'm somewhat suspicious of people who are.  Especially men.  Anyone who knows my husband understands that this is a math equation for me.

Dave=trustworthy; Dave=fashion neutral; therefore, fashion=NOT trustworthy. 

It's not that he looks bad. He just looks plain.  You know: like a guy.  There are many days that I look at men out in public with accessories (!) and thank God for my husband and his utter lack of attention to fashion. I was delighted last weekend to see my husband and his father wearing shirts in the same style, undoubtedly from the same store.  Shopping for these guys is easy, if uneventful.

I was driving to work one day recently and saw a man dragging his trash can to the curb.  He was wearing tan shorts, a white, short-sleeved, button-down shirt, untucked, and deck shoes.  The shorts were probably linen, and the shirt was most likely Tommy Bahama.  It was that kind of neighborhood.  There's no excuse for the deck shoes, though, because the neighborhood isn't a bobbing row of house boats.  My first thought when I saw him was "He's cute. But he's dressed like a Ken doll.  I wonder if he realizes."  My second thought was "I'm evil, and probably deserve to be punished."

I think the reason I need for men to be unaccessorized is so that I look fancier.  I am not good with accessories, and may have spent the most of my life hiding some sense of inadequacy with feigned disdain for them.  I look at handbags and jewelry in stores, but can seldom bring myself to purchase anything, because I'm afraid I'll look like a geek with just the one item.  It's a whole interlocking system, it seems, and I'm too far behind to catch up.  Any outfit that consists of more than three pieces, not including shoes, is just too fussy, and I run out of patience before I'm fully dressed. And really, no one wants to see that.

But I maintain that deck shoes are unacceptable, unless accompanied by an actual jib.  Whatever a jib is.

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